Depending on your age, it’s hard to imagine a time when you couldn’t send money online. Today, you can move cash with a few taps on your phone. But in the late 1990s, there was no simple, trusted way for people to pay digitally. The internet needed a way to move money safely.

PayPal emerged in 1998 with a simple but revolutionary idea: let people send money to each other through email. It sounds obvious now, but at the time, E-commerce was an experiment. Most people didn’t trust the internet with their credit card numbers, and banks were deeply skeptical of startups trying to move money outside traditional banking systems. Growth came fast for PayPal, but so did trouble. Criminals discovered they could exploit the system faster than PayPal could stop them. At various points, a significant percentage of transactions were fraudulent, and it nearly crushed the company.

Everything changed when PayPal partnered with eBay. Sellers needed a way to be paid, and buyers needed a way to trust they weren’t getting ripped off. By 2001, a large percentage of eBay transactions were being completed through PayPal, and so in 2002, eBay acquired PayPal for $1.5 billion.

On paper, that should have been the end of the story. Another startup absorbed into a larger company, but what happened next is why PayPal is still talked about today. Over the following decade, former PayPal employees went on to build, fund, or advise many of the leading tech companies of the 21st century. Journalists eventually coined the term “PayPal Mafia” to describe the astronomical success of PayPal’s founders. Peter Thiel became an early investor in Facebook. Reid Hoffman founded LinkedIn. Elon Musk led ventures like Tesla and SpaceX, and other partners helped launch or fund companies like YouTube and Yelp.

In one sense, it’s obvious. It’s easier to invest or start another company when you have hundreds of millions of dollars in your pocket from PayPal, but it wasn’t the money alone that made the mafia’s success possible—it was relationships. They kept appearing in one another’s stories. They invested in each other’s companies. They joined boards. They made introductions. They hired people they knew could perform, because they’d witnessed it firsthand.

Today, many of the people associated with the PayPal Mafia are no longer close friends. There are debates about who deserves credit for PayPal’s success and disagreements about its legacy. But one fact remains undeniable: being part of that early PayPal environment in the late 1990s was a competitive advantage in Silicon Valley. It opened doors and changed careers. It provides an important lesson for everyone in the green phase of business: There’s no substitute for the relationships formed during the building phase. You bond with those you build with.

Relationships Beat Resumes

I’m going to give you a secret to business that is so simple, it’s going to feel unimportant, but this may be the most crucial thing you learn in this entire book. Are you ready? Here it is: People help people they like. They don’t always hire the smartest person or promote the most talented. They don’t always do business with the most qualified. They do business with the people in their sphere of relationships. The biggest opportunities in your professional life will come from the names you have saved in your cell phone. That means the more people you know, the more opportunities you will have.

Yes, you need to learn your craft. Work hard. But what you know is often less important than who you know. Relationships beat resumes. Is it fair? No. Shouldn’t opportunity be based on merit? Probably.  But talented, capable people get passed over all the time because someone does a favor for a friend. There’s the old saying, “opportunity tends to walk in on two legs.” It’s true. Life moves at the speed of relationships. When someone I trust trusts you, you move to the front of the line.

Most people hate networking. It makes them feel uncomfortable. It sounds transactional and self-serving. It conjures images of awkward small talk, business cards exchanged with fake smiles. Everyone is quietly wondering: “What can this person do for me?” And that’s exactly why networking feels gross—because most people misunderstand what it actually is. I’m not talking about using people. I’m talking about friendship.

Networking feels slimy when it’s driven by desperation—when you only reach out because you need something. It’s ok to need something, but great networks aren’t built by using people—they’re built by helping people. That’s how you build trust. Real networking is showing up before you need anything. It’s being genuinely interested in people. And the earlier you understand that, the more intentional you can be about the circles you choose to form.

That doesn’t mean you have to be the life of every cocktail party, or that you need a massive inner circle. In fact, research shows that most professional opportunities don’t come from close relationships at all. They come from what sociologists call “weak ties”—former coworkers and acquaintances—the people you don’t talk to regularly but who know how to get a hold of you, and know you well enough to vouch for you. You don’t have to be everyone’s best friend; you just need to stay connected enough to find each other when you need each other. 

When I was getting started, we didn’t have LinkedIn—we had something called a Rolodex. Most people reading this are too young to have ever seen one. It was a small black box filled with index cards. On each card were names, phone numbers, and notes scribbled in the margins. If you needed to reach someone, you physically flipped through the cards until you found them. The tools have changed, but the principle hasn’t. Your network is still just a collection of people who know you and will take your call. 

The younger you are, the less likely you are to network. Recent research shows that a significant portion of young professionals—particularly those in Gen Z—actively avoid traditional networking opportunities. One study found that roughly 60 percent of Gen Z workers sidestep in-person networking events whenever possible, and only about 25 percent feel confident in their ability to network effectively in person. I know it’s uncomfortable, but sometimes you have to go into the office, or attend the event, or go for drinks after the event when you’d rather head straight home. Some things can’t be emailed. It requires stepping outside your comfort zone, dressing the part, and engaging with people you don’t know yet. Opting out of those moments comes at a cost. When you skip the room, you miss the shared experiences where trust is actually formed—the conversations between sessions, the laughter over dinner at the end of a long day. These moments rarely feel productive in the moment, but they’re where relationships and memories are formed. 

The good news is that you don’t have to be naturally extroverted to build a strong network, because networking isn’t about performing; it’s about presence. It’s about staying connected long enough to build trust. Because business doesn’t fall into your lap. It’s brought to you by people. And the relationships you form today are the ones that open doors in the future.

Build Sideways

The chances are slim that you’ll gain access to a wealthy, powerful “gatekeeper” at the beginning of the green phase. What’s far more likely is that you are currently working alongside someone who will be wealthy, powerful, or influential ten or fifteen years from now. Those are the relationships that matter most in the early stages.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in the green phase is trying to impress people who are too far ahead of them. They spend all their time trying to get a big break, instead of investing in the people right beside them. I call this “building sideways.” It’s creating an army of relationships with people at your level. Peers matter more than “important people” early on, because today’s peers are tomorrow’s gatekeepers, and when the time comes, you’ll have something that cannot be manufactured: you’ll have history. The only way to have twenty-year relationships is to start twenty years ago. You can’t make old friends. This is why I bet your car, home, or life insurance was probably purchased from a friend you went to college with. The same is often true of accountants, attorneys, and financial advisors. Friendship finalizes the deal. 

Great networks are built on two things: mutual interest and fate. Mutual interest is the part you can control. It’s what happens when you find a tribe of people who do what you do, or care about what you care about. It’s golfers, readers, runners, church friends, parents on the same sidelines, or coworkers chasing the same goals. You have something in common. Fate, on the other hand, is harder to explain and impossible to control. It’s the random college roommate assignment, or the person placed at your table at a wedding reception. It’s the passenger seated beside you on the plane, or the random single paired with your golf threesome. History is full of examples of people whose lives changed because of an unplanned encounter. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak met through a mutual friend long before Apple existed. Bill Gates and Paul Allen were classmates years before Microsoft. Larry Page and Sergey Brin met as graduate students at Stanford. John Lennon and Paul McCartney met at a church festival as teenagers. Fate introduces people, but what you do next is up to you. Did you get their number? Did you set up coffee? Did you send a follow-up text? This is friendship 101. I know you’d rather keep your headphones on or scroll on your phone for the flight, but what if the person sitting beside you has a million-dollar idea? Or a multi-million dollar connection? 

You don’t need to chase influential people or manufacture meaningful connections. You need to pay attention to the people already crossing your path and take those relationships seriously. Most of them will be unremarkable, but a few will shape the trajectory of your life and career. Of course, you won’t always know which ones matter most—that’s why you treat them all with respect. Don’t overlook the people next to you while you’re trying to impress someone above you. Build together now, and you’ll be amazed how far those relationships carry you later.

So how do you build sideways? What are the qualities and habits that help you build a strong network in the green phase? You need to be kind, be impressive, and be known for something. Let’s look at these.

Be Kind

One of the simplest principles of building a strong network is this: be kind. Not strategic kindness. Not transactional kindness. Just actual goodness and decency toward people. It’s sending flowers to a funeral. It’s traveling to show up at a wedding because it’s the most important day in someone’s life. It’s sending well-wishes to someone in the hospital, or staying late to help someone finish a project. It’s making an introduction or offering a discount when someone’s in a tight spot. Will you get something in return—most likely, because remember: people help people they like. But you’re not doing it, first and foremost, because it’s the right thing to do. 

Think about the last time you received a handwritten thank-you note. Even if you only glanced at it for a few seconds before tossing it in the trash, something happened. You smiled. You felt seen. You felt appreciated. For a brief moment, the world felt a little warmer. That small act didn’t change your life, but it brightened your day. Research backs this up. Studies show that when someone says “thank you,” the recipient doesn’t just feel appreciated—they feel useful. Gratitude affirms their value. In fact, research has shown that a simple expression of gratitude can increase a person’s willingness to help again by more than fifty percent.¹ Kindness is good business. But it’s also a good investment. You never know who you will need later. A genuinely good and kind person will have no shortage of friends when they need them. As the Proverb says, “whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”²

Of course, being kind doesn’t mean being naïve. You still need boundaries and discernment. Your time is still valuable, and your energy is limited, but that’s precisely why you give it, because it’s valuable. 

Assume the best. Be generous where you can. Give someone a break because they made a mistake, or give someone their big break because you wish someone would have done that for you. Over the long arc of your life and career, I think you’ll find kindness has a long memory. You’ll never know which small act mattered most, but you can be sure that goodwill is always good for business. 

Be Impressive

You only get one chance to make a first impression. That’s not a motivational slogan—it’s psychology. It’s called the primacy effect, which says that we remember and give more weight to beginnings. In simple terms, the first information we receive about a person becomes the lens through which we interpret everything that follows. Psychologists have proven for decades that once we form an early opinion of someone, those opinions are difficult to change. 

New business relationships often hinge on brief interactions. You may only have a few seconds to establish how someone categorizes you. They’re unconsciously asking a few basic questions: Can I trust this person? Are they capable? Are they worth my time? Those questions are often answered before you realize they’re being asked. Most people underestimate how much small details communicate. These impressions matter because once they categorize you, it’s really hard to change their mind.  

So, how do you impress someone? In those brief interactions, it’s important to stand out. It’s not as hard as you think. Most people are unimpressive. If you will show up on time. Dress appropriately for the room. Make eye contact and listen more than you talk; you will separate yourself from most of your peers. But in the long term, if you’re lucky enough to get a second date or business with someone, the most impressive thing you can do is say what you’re going to do, and then do what you said you would do. Over and over again.

One challenge I find with younger generations entering the business world is their obsession with authenticity. They feel as if the most important thing to present is “who they truly are.” And I agree. The worst thing you can do to be impressive is pretend to be someone you’re not. But they seem to think that authenticity means presenting the most unflattering version of yourself. Every context calls for a version of you. That doesn’t make you fake—it makes you mature. You’re saying, “This is the best version of who I am.” 

Being impressive is about respecting the moment, because you don’t know how many moments you’ll get. You won’t get it right every time, but if you become the kind of person who makes a great first impression, people will believe you, and they will believe in you. 

Become Known For Something

At some point, networking becomes less about who you know and starts being about what people know you for. This is where real momentum begins. It’s where you become strategically helpful and move into the “give-to-get” stage of networking. You have something to offer, and other people have something to offer you. Strong networks are built when value flows in both directions. 

When we think about someone, we usually think about their characteristics. They’re funny. Or smart. They’re young or old. It’s human nature to categorize people. But in business, the goal is to be associated with something more than a personality trait. You want to be associated with a solution. When a specific problem or opportunity comes up, you want your name to come up with it. You’re the guy who can help us scale to the next level. You’re the woman who can fix our IT problems. You’re the person who can help us recruit the best and brightest talent. When you position yourself as an expert of a problem, you become known for something specific. And as the saying goes, “the riches are in the niches.”

This is what business writers David Maister, Charles Green, and Robert Galford called “a trusted advisor.” It’s someone who is knowledgeable about a specific solution, but more importantly, they’re dependable. People trust that you can help them, and they feel safe recommending you. Sociologists call this earned trust. It’s when someone takes a risk (pays you, recommends you, or stakes their reputation on you) and their trust in you pays off. Earned trust is what makes repeat customers and referrals.

Maybe you can’t be known for one thing, but you can be known as the person who knows the right person. Sometimes, the most valuable role you can play in a network is being a curator. You know who to call, where to look, or what resource will help. A curator is a connector. Your value comes from the quality of your judgment. Your word carries weight because people have learned they can trust your recommendations.

Regardless of what role you play in your network, you need a role. You need a reason for your name to come up in conversation—a reason for someone to call you or recommend you. Once you become known for something, you can stop chasing business because business starts chasing you.

Build Now, Benefit Later

In this chapter, hopefully, I’ve convinced you that your network is crucial to your success in the green phase and beyond. But there’s one more benefit to having a network that is more important than your professional success—and that’s personal happiness. 

The longest-running scientific study of adult life ever conducted by the Harvard Study of Adult Development has found time and again that close relationships are the cornerstone of a well-lived life. This research has followed three generations of participants over more than 80 years, tracking their mental and physical health alongside their personal relationships, and here’s their conclusion: good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Over and over again, research has confirmed that people who built meaningful relationships are more likely to thrive and age well than those who focused most of their energy on wealth, status, or career alone.³

You’ve probably heard the adage, “it’s lonely at the top.” After experiencing a certain level of professional success, I will admit that the higher you climb, the harder it is to make good friends, but that’s why you need to bring friends with you as you climb. Most of the people in your network won’t be close friends, and that’s ok, but a few of them can be. You need people you can count on, talk to, and celebrate life with. I was reminded of this recently when I celebrated my 50th birthday. As I looked around the room, I saw the faces of friends I’ve met along the way. I saw one of my closest friends I’ve known for over 30 years. I saw business partners who have climbed with me, earned with me, failed with me, and grown alongside me. I saw agents I had recruited a decade ago, and suddenly it dawned on me: “all of these people work with me.” I know what everyone says, “don’t work with friends,” and there is wisdom in that, but I would just add this caveat: as you work make friends.

Here’s the point: relationships are good for business, but they’re also good for life. So send the text or make the call. Take the trip to see them. Invest in experiences. Share your success. It will make you richer, but more imoprtantly it will make life richer.